Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

Франк Илья

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off… just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.

Watch and learn!

You're right.

A visitor from Holland (гость из Голландии) was chatting with his American friend (беседовал

со своим американским другом) and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag (и шутя объяснял "о" красном, белом и голубом на флаге Нидерландов).

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes (наш флаг символизирует наши налоги)," he said. "We get red when we talk about them (мы краснеем, когда говорим о них), white when we get our tax bill (белеем, когда получаем налоговую квитанцию), and blue after we pay them (и синеем; становимся грустными после того, как их заплатим — игра слов: blue — синий, голубой и blue — грустный, печальный)."

"That's the same with us (то же и с нами)," the American said, "only we see stars, too (только мы еще видим звезды; сравните: I saw stars = у меня звезды посыпались из глаз)."

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

A family was visiting an Indian reservation (семья посещала индейскую резервацию) when they happen upon an old tribesman (когда они случайно натыкаются на старика из племени; tribe — племя) laying face down in the middle оf the road (лежащего лицом вниз посреди дороги) with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop (с ухом, крепко прижатым к асфальту; blacktop — щебеночно-асфальтовое покрытие).

The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing (отец семейства спросил старика, что он делает).

The tribesman began to speak… (начал говорить /to begin-began-begun/) "woman (женщина), late thirties (под сорок лет), three kids (трое детей), one barking dog (лающая собака) in late model, four door station wagon (в четырехдверном фургоне последней модели), traveling at 65 m.p.h (едущим со скоростью 65 миль в час)."

"That's amazing! (невероятно)" exclaimed (воскликнул) the father.

"You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground? (вы можете все это сказать, просто слушая землю)"

"No," said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago! (они просто переехали меня пять минут назад)"

A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.

The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing.

The tribesman began to speak…"woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h."

"That's amazing!" exclaimed the father.

"You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground?"

"No," said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago!"

That's amazing!

A prominent Polish scientist (выдающийся

польский ученый) conducted very important experiment (проводил очень важный эксперимент; experiment [Iks'perIment]). He trained a flea to jump (он учил блоху прыгать) upon giving her a verbal command "Jump!" (давая ей устную команду — "прыжок")

In a first stage (на первой стадии) of experiment he removed flea's leg (удалил блошиную лапку), told (сказал /to tell-told-told/) her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook (записал в своей "научной" тетрадке) "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly (после удаления одной лапки все блошиные органы функционируют должным образом)."

So, he removed the second (вторую) leg, asked (попросил, скомандовал) the flea to jump, she obeyed (подчинилась), so he wrote again (снова): "Upon removing the second (второй) leg all flea organs function properly."

Thereafter (после этого) he removed all the legs but one (все лапки, кроме одной), the flea jumped when ordered (когда ей было приказано), so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next (следующей) leg all flea organs function properly."

Then he removed the last (последнюю) leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened (ничего не произошло). He did not want (он не хотел) to take a chance (полагаться на случай), so he repeated (повторил) the experiment several times (несколько раз), and the legless (безногая) flea never (никогда = вовсе не) jumped. So he wrote the conclusion (вывод): "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing (теряет слух: "чувство слуха")."

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command "Jump!"

In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly."

So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly."