Jedi Apprentice 3: The Hidden Past
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Anything but this, he thought. I can stand anything but this. I can't lose my memory!
He would lose all his Jedi training, all his knowledge. Any wisdom he had struggled so hard to gain. Would he lose the Force as well? He would lose the memory of how to harness it.
And what else would he lose? Friendship. All the friends he'd made at the Temple. Gentle Bant, with her sliver eyes. Garen, who he'd fought with and laughed with and who was almost as good as he was in lightsaber training. Reeft, who could never get enough to eat, and who would stare mournfully at his empty plate until Obi-Wan passed over some of his food. They had forged strong bonds, and he missed them. If he lost his memories of them, they would be dead to him.
Obi-Wan thought of his thirteenth birthday. It seemed so long ago now. He had never done his recollection exercise. Now he remembered how Qui-Gon had admonished him. Yes, time is elusive. But it is best to track it down.
Obi-Wan had not tracked it down. He had not made the time. Now he would have all the time in the world and nothing to remember.
He pressed his forehead against his knees, feeling the fear overwhelm him. It filled his mind with darkness. For the first time in his life, he knew what it was to lose all hope.
Then, in the midst of cold and fear, he felt a warmth inside his tunic. He reached inside to the hidden pocket against his chest. His fingers closed around the river rock Qui-Gon had given him. It was warm!
He pulled it out. The ebony stone glowed in the darkness, giving off a crystal-like gleam. He closed his fingers around it again and felt a hum against his fingertips. The stone must be Force-sensitive, he realized.
That knowledge sent beam of pure light into the darkness of his mind. Nothing is lost where the Force dwells, he remembered from the Temple. And the Force is everywhere.
Obi-Wan turned his mind to remembering what Guerra had told him about the memory wipe. Some very strong-minded beings are able to withstand some of the effects of the wipe. Perhaps that meant the Force could help him. For what else was the Force, but strength and light?
Obi-Wan held the stone tightly. He gathered to Force around him like a shield. He imagined it coiling around every cell in his brain like a fortress. It would hold out against the darkness, and he would hold on to his memories.
When the door to his cell opened and the guard entered, he did not even look up.
Chapter 14
The marketplace was crowded the next morning, even though there was even less for sale. The desperation on the faces of the Phindians mirrored Qui-Gon's. He paced impatiently, waiting for Duenna to appear.
Finally, he could wait no longer. "I'm going to headquarters myself," he told Guerra and Paxxi grimly. "I'll find a way."
"Wait, Jedi-Gon," Guerra pleaded. "It is hard for Duenna to slip away, but she always manages it."
"And so there she is!" Paxxi cried.
Duenna threaded through the crowd toward them. She was not wearing her coat, but a cloak and hood. She carried a large satchel.
"Any news of Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked as soon as she came up to them.
She put a hand on her heart to catch her breath. "Headquarters in on high alert. Prince Beju arrives tomorrow?"
"What about Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon barked impatiently.
"I am trying to tell you," Duenna said. "I have never seen them act so fast. He? he was taken to a cell."
"Where?" Qui-Gon asked urgently.
"He is there no longer," Duenna said, laying a gentle hand on his arm. Suddenly, Qui-Gon noticed that here eyes were full of pity for him. His heart fell.
"What happened?" he asked hoarsely.
"He was renewed," she said, her voice breaking. "Last night. And transported off-planet at dawn this morning."
Paxxi and Guerra peered around the corner into the room where Qui-Gon sat, eyes front, cross-legged, not moving. Duenna had to return to headquarters, so they had gone straight to Kaadi's house. Being on the streets was dangerous during the day.
As soon as they entered the house, Qui-Gon had gone to the spare room where they slept. He sat down in the middle of the floor, not speaking. He had remained there for an hour. The brothers had left him alone for a time, but he could feel their anxious eyes on him.
Without opening his eyes, he said, "I'm not giving up. I'm forming a plan."
"Of course, Jedi-Gon," Guerra said, relief coursing through his voice. "We knew this."
"Yes so," Paxxi agreed. "We know Jedi do not give up. Although, we must admit we worried a tiny bit. It is such bad news about our friend Obawan."
Qui-Gon opened his eyes. He saw the same haunted desperation in the eyes of the Derida brothers that he felt in his heart. He had had to struggle to overcome his anger at himself. It had taken time to calm his mind. Time and again he had tried to formulate a plan, only to be filled with anguish at the thought of Obi-Wan's plight. He was rocked to the core. The thought of Obi-wan without his memory, without his training, was unbearable.
He had failed his Padawan. He should have known the Syndicat would move fast. He should have tried to rescue him last night. Now Obi-Wan was doomed to a life so empty it made Qui-Gon shudder every time he tried to conceive of it.
What of Obi-Wan's Jedi training? All of that, lost. What would the boy become? He would still be Force-sensitive, for the Force was not dependent on memory. But how could Obi-Wan use it without the lessons of the Temple to guide him? If he discovered its power, he would have it without allegiance. Would he become a lost, neutral warrior for hire? Would he use the Force for darkness, like Qui-Gon's old apprentice, Xanatos?