My city 2: The terrifying history Zhalovskoy, or the Spider
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Natalya thought second.
– I was tired of this life. Lives of cares and efforts. – then she added. – If it is possible to find rest. Calm, and pacification.
Anabel asked.
– Do you want rest?
– I want. – Natalya answered, and added. – You do not know how I was tired of this life.
Anabel was surprised.
– Unless it is possible to be tired of life?
– It is possible. – Natalia confirmed. Then she added. – From such life as at me, it is possible.
Natalia's life was not sugar. She stuck at the plant as damned, any private life. Yes it also could not be. She put all the life on service to the fatherland, and here to her patience the end came. She wanted rest, but considered the state that to it early at its age to retire. It considered: – let will die for the fatherland than will retire. From there nobody retires, only death is the reason of resignation from life. Only death.
– I understand you. – told Anabel. – Sometimes we make fatal mistakes which cannot be corrected. – then she with regret added. – Sometimes the burden is heavier than we assumed.
Natalia told.
– I absolutely agree with you.
– What did you solve? – Anabel took an interest. – Where do you want to go? In the past or in the future? Or you want to remain in the present?
Natalia did not know what to answer what to solve? It was in doubts. Doubts overcame it. It had them in the head. She understood that everything that happened to it, it was not real. But if it is unreal, then where it is now? Where reality, and where fiction. Fiction her subconsciousness? Where now it? In reality or not? On this question it had no definite answer. The reality sometimes is so deceptive, and fiction is real. Sometimes there is a wish to leave from reality, on everything to spit and be forgotten. To be forgotten and go to the reality. Everyone has it the. Reality of rest and pacification. In it there is no evil and there is no good. There just person. That he wants what dreams of, this reality gives everything to him.
So in what reality there arrived Natalia now? We know that its plane crashed. She survived in that awful accident? Accidents over the huge ocean. Ocean of hopes, pipe dreams human subconsciousness. Natalia indecisively told.
– I?. What did I solve you ask?
– Yes. – Anabel asked. – What did you solve?
I cannot answer this question unambiguously. Of course Natalia something solved, but that? Now we perhaps learn about it.
– I solved. – indecisively Natalya told. She still doubted correctness of the act. Only to think? Offer you the choice. For the person who never chose nothing, for him everything and all chose and solved? Agree, it is not simple. Here Natalia unexpectedly told: – I never was in the future. I know the past, and the present for me is awful. – she made a pause, then asked. – Tell, it is in the future also awful as now? – then she added. – If this is so, then I better remain here. I precisely know what expects me in present time, and that in the future, a question?
Anabel smiled.
– Means if in the future better than now? Means you there?
Natalia positively shook the head, having told at the same time.
– There.
Anabel immediately asked.
– And if you are necessary now, at this time? The country demands from you something? And you want to run away?
Nobody will answer this question unambiguously. Each person wants happiness, let small, but happiness. Big human happiness.
Natalia this question nonplused. Now she precisely knew that this check. But who checks it? It remained a riddle. Natalya understanding it, told so.
– If the country wants that I for it served, I will serve. If she demands from me self-renunciation, I will accept its conditions. If the country demands from me to betray, I will never make it. Because I swore an oath, to serve for the good of my homeland.
Anabel took an interest.
– And if the country demands to betray it for the sake of justice to understand action of the enemy? What do you solve?
– If treachery of the homeland is for the good of the homeland, I this will make.
Anabel asked.
– Will you betray for the good of the homeland?
Natalia answered.
– I will not betray the Homeland. I will never make it. I will just execute the order, to come over to the side of the enemy to find out at it his secrets. Here no speech about treachery the speech can go.
– Do you so speak because you so consider? Or, because you so learned to speak?
– I so consider. – firmly Natalia Anabel answered. – And only I consider. – she claimed. – I trust in it. – here she made a pause, is heavy sighed. On her heart it was heavy. It seemed that on her heart huge freight lies. She quietly added. – I know people who do not understand it. Consider that their homeland where they is at present. Where went to bed, there and the homeland.
– Unless it not so?
– No. – Natalia answered. Of course not. And how there can be it differently? The homeland is a home ground, that where the person was born. Where he lived and lives with the birth. Where was born and where grew. And it is unimportant from where his parents what they are nationalities. The person defines the homeland. But it remains invariable. It is unimportant that the person demigrirovat, or emigrated. This it is unimportant. The homeland this that earth within which you were born and which is protected from an impact of the internal and external enemy. Here that the homeland means. – she made a pause, then added, then told. – In my opinion I intelligibly explained a concept the word "HOMELAND".
– Yes! I was not mistaken in you. – Anabel answered. – You are not devoted to the business. Yes! – Anabel agreed. – I as the woman understand you. Not the lung is a business, investigation. Sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice himself for the sake of what that? Self-renunciation, here main precept of the intelligence agent, and his damnation.
– It so. – Natalia agreed. – This damnation. To be always alone. – here she is cruel grinned and on her face the sneer grimace over by itself appeared. – Damnation! Devil of its pobera! – on her face bitter tears seemed. – You truly told, a damnation.
Here Natalia immediately steamed.
– Do not cry. – as could it calmed Anabel. – That did not occur at you in life, you change nothing any more.
– You are right. – Anabel wiping tears answered to a tear scarf. – That there was that was. "It is impossible to change anything" – here she unexpectedly asked. – And how Nina? how your sister?
Without having understood what the question consists in, Natalia asked.
– What do you mean?
Anabel quietly and excruciatingly painful for herself and for Natalia asked.