The Mist and the Lightning. Part III
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"You found your son, now go away!" Squint-Eye said rudely looking at his brother askance. "And next time watch the brat better for him not to run to the city and especially not to come here, to Orel. He has nothing to do here."
"I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Squint-Eye interrupted him. "You also have nothing to do here, Berk, leave!"
"Is it so difficult? Just to talk? We haven't seen each other since you got free last time."
"Fine with me! Forget about me, I don’t have a brother!"
"Yes, you have," Berk said firmly and sat down in the armchair. He was not going to leave at all.
"Go to hell!" Squint-Eye almost screamed.
"Why are you driving me away? I said I won't leave until I talk to you."
"Shi-it!" Squint-Eye clasped his hands nervously, turned away from Berk and looked at the window.
"Stop pouting, Bert, I wish you no evil."
"Look," Squint-Eye didn't turn back. "I'm grateful to you that you gave me my part of inheritance despite father disowning me. I took the soldiers I needed. Thank you once again, nothing connects us any more."
Berk flinched somewhat strangely, closing his eyes as if in pain.
"Forgive me," he swallowed hard, "forgive me, Bert."
Squint-Eye started away from the window, he turned to his brother; there was surprise in his face but just for a moment. When Berk opened his eyes, Squint-Eye looked at him with cold indifference, like before, and there was just animosity in his eyes.
"You haven't been like that, Bert! You haven't! I remember you little, you were so happy and kind, always obeyed me and our parents."
Squint-Eye just smirked.
"Until," Bert paused for a moment, "until you noticed you were different. After that everything went to hell! Everything went to hell," he whispered letting his head drop on his hands.
Squint-Eye sat down on the bed in front of his brother, lit a cigarette. They were alike, very much so. One could easily say they were brothers: similar features, raven hair. Berk was just slightly taller and his eyes were light brown, not grey, like Squint-Eye's.
"I protected you," Berk seemed to be talking to himself, "and later I taught you to protect yourself. I taught you everything I knew and could. And still it didn't work!"
"You did your best, enough of it, you don't need to beg for forgiveness here," Squint-Eye said.
"No, I didn't do my best! And I have a reason to repent! I betrayed you, turned away from you, ditched you when you were imprisoned for the first time! You were just two years older than my son is now, just a child!"
"Your son is not a murderer."
"You wouldn't have been either, if not for your cursed eye."
"Bert, I'm not alone like that. Many people live with it and don't kill anyone, even if someone laughs at them."
"I understand you. Who knows what I would do in your place, maybe, I'd do the same. We are alike, I know you followed my example. I don't believe that you were jealous, I don't! You followed me but not out of jealously, you just loved me."
Squint-Eye was silent.
"That day, after you were sentenced, I didn't come up to you. I left the court hall without even looking back. That day I ruined you."
"Look, don't take my sins upon you," Squint-Eye said. "I didn't even think of resenting you for leaving then. You did the right thing."
"No, it was not right!" Berk raised his head meeting Squint-Eye's gaze. "I left you alone, I walked away and left you to him, damn him! I left you to Orel!"
"Am I a thing or what? Left me! I had my own head on my shoulders."
"You were too young to understand consequences."
"But Arel wasn't older than me and he needed help much more. He suffered a hundred times worse and he was all alone!"
"If I stayed with you… if I were there, you wouldn't get together with him."
Squint-Eye shrugged.
"Who knows. No use to talk about it now."
"I need to tell you that. I never said it to you before and I will never repeat it."
Squint-Eye wanted to reply but choked, coughing, covering his mouth.
"You need a doctor!"
Squint-Eye shook his head; he couldn't say a word because of the cough.
"Leave," he managed to say when the fit subsided a little. "You've said everything you wanted, now leave."
"You're driving me away because you don't want me to see you like that! It is unbearable for me to see you as you are now, you look even worse than when you came for the soldiers. What happened? What is this bastard prince doing to you?"
"Leave!"
"I can't! I can't leave you like that!" Berk walked around the room nervously. "You know I came to pick up my son but not only for that. This conversation… I talked to you thousands times in my thoughts. And when I came here today, when I saw you… Gods, Bert, I saw your hair cut!"
"I cut it off myself, I was drugged."
"Like I would believe you! It was Arel! Why didn't he let you talk downstairs, in the hall?"
"He himself talks to everyone who comes to the castle."
"And you kept silent, you obey him!"
"You're strange. He is my master."
"What if you answered me? What would he do?"
"How can I know? Ask him, not me! But I wouldn't answer you – when I am in the right mind, I obey him. I obey all his orders. Your brother is dead. I'm not him. I'm not even human!"
There was mute suffering in Berk's eyes.
"Squint-Eye," he whispered, "fucking Squint-Eye, stubborn and stupid. Murderer proud of his crimes, wearing his shame on his own face!"