Unreal fool. One-man play

Для подготовки обложки издания использована художественная работа автора. Обложка книги разработана автором в дизайнерской программе и является интеллектуальной собственностью Николая Лакутина.

Attention! All copyrights to the play are protected by the laws of Russia, international legislation, and belong to the author. Its publication and reissue, reproduction, public performance, translation into foreign languages, changes in the text of the play when staged without the written permission of the author are prohibited. Staging of the play is possible only after the conclusion of a direct contract between the author and the theater.

Dramatic Comedy for 1 hour 15 minutes.

GAVRILA is Not the luckiest, to put it mildly, a person who, as he communicates with the viewer, reveals the most dangerous mistakes in his life, those mistakes that are inherent in 99% of people. A man about 40 years old.

Uncomfortable bachelor apartment. Quite poor environment. Small table. There's a dirty kettle on it. Cup. Almost empty can of coffee, sugar bowl. An old wardrobe, a cupboard with open drawers that do not close, from which protrude crumpled things. Chiffonier with sagging door, which is held on the last breath. The old sagging bed has a stack of books instead of one leg. The bed is unmade. On the floor crumpled "t-shirt-drunk", lying sock, of course, one. On the furniture and in every corner everything is piled up. Cutlery, glasses, plates, forks. Beside the bed is a saucer of dried fish and an empty beer bottle.

Gavrila runs screaming into the apartment. First, there is the cry, and then his carrier.

GAVRILA: AAAAAAAAAAA! NO! NO!! NO!!! It can't be, I don't believe it! Which times on those same rake. Well, it had to work! After all, when something should be so lucky!

Casually throws some tickets around him.

GAVRILA: that Chubais with vouchers heated, Mavrodi with the mad interest rates. And twice and both times me! And now… state all-Russian lottery! Everyone wins. Everything! (to the audience)here, watch it on TV. He won the car, the apartment. Those went on a trip on the won vouchers, these broke the cash jackpot! All right… (exasperated) everybody wins. Alone, I fly like plywood over Paris all the time. I'm probably the only one in the whole country who invested everywhere and lost everywhere. I, Gabriel S. Mindrutescu, law-abiding, God-fearing people everywhere not sewn to what the sleeve was…

Is on stage in the far corner, looking out indignantly, trying to remember something.

GABRIEL: Alyosha, the boy next door! One the only times participated in a poetry. On need went on dacha, a newspaper as usual, grabbed, Yes until sat, to address something after all nothing with which. Well, read here and there that, say, a lottery, cut out the coupon, send to this address. Well, he cut, sent, won the camera. True, no one uses them anymore, but it does not matter. It's important that you win. Immediately! You see? And I already, that only not has tried, and with Newspapers cut out and in kiosks tickets bought and on mails, and spat through left reduce leverage and seven times circled tickets around right-wing its feet (shows). I've already eaten so much junk while I was diluting my desires in champagne to the chimes! (he pauses)

I have a niece, fifteen years old. In lottery already, that only not won. Watch wrist! Phone – smartphone new-fangled! Laptop! (waving his hand) didn't win Anything… (laughs mockingly, but then adds seriously) She's my one consolation…

Passes in another part of the scene

GABRIEL: Or that Lenin, the neighbor's garage. Fool fool. Full, simply, talentless. Nothingness. My ex-boyfriend. Together homeless. Ah kaaaaak bum, as all, from payday until payday. Survived in General. And here on! The inheritance gets. In Kazakhstan, his uncle was a big man. He didn't know about it. Have moreover nor children no one. I left everything to this fool. So he, Lenin, has bought nineteen apartments. Nineteen! Well, if not a fool? He's a moron. (Pauses) But now rents them all gets something like three hundred something thousand monthly, or maybe more… Resigned from the factory. Why, of course. That's how I lost a partner, a drinking companion and a friend. Normal because people won like what a penny extra scolymia, so what is not a reason to drink! And this one had given up drinking! Well… And why do I need such a friend. Become Depraved Ilyich. In a word, he lost his human form.

He goes to the bed, sits on it, picks up the bottle from the floor, looks carefully at the label. Peers.

GAVRILA: AH..... Ugh, shit. So that's it. Alcohol-free grabbed from the shelf. That's what inattention does. I think it's nothing. Brrrr (shakes his head) and this fish is dried… (picks up the rest of the half-eaten fish from the newspaper, throws it back in disgust) it looks like it was a long-lived fish. ZHR+it is simply impossible. Little that figs bite off, so still and in it such sense of, that the entire where sea salt Russia. Brrrr (shakes his head) Oooh… (sighs, clasps his head, tugs at his hair)

Growls, tugs hard at his hair, tugs, tugs, tugs, jumps up sharply, looks with some crazy inspiration into the auditorium

GABRIEL: the Casino! How could I not have guessed before! There's luck waiting for me! (In admiration) YES!

He runs to the bedside table, pulls out a box, runs to the bed, empties the contents on it.

GABRIEL: the Family jewels. Shore for a special day. My finest hour has come. Would you take over. Now to the pawn shop, then to the casino (slyly) I know where in our city there is an underground institution. I saaaaaaay.

Hastily collects in his pocket stones, rings, chains dropped out of the box and runs to the exit

GAVRILA: I will come back a completely different person! Successful! Solid! Handsome! (he sticks out his chest, shows it to himself, imagines what he will become) Yes, this Ilyich with his apartments will choke on saliva! I'll buy twenty! No! Thirty. Fifty apartments!!! I'm going to shut everyone up. Saw in one secret movie (whispers) – documentary!

Winks with cunning

GAVRILA: you Bet all the time on the same number on roulette, constantly raising the bet, and according to the theory of probability at some point your number will fall out. You can say that my whole life is a constant bet on the same number, which does not fall. The good luck is simply no chance to get away, she is in any case today will choose me.

Shouts admiringly

GAVRILA: I'm rich!!!

Runs away from the apartment.

In apartment with intrigue, on the sly, not immediately is a the door. After some time, enters the apartment of Gabriel. He's wearing nothing but his family underpants. He skulks in, runs to another part of the stage, then runs to a third side, then jumps out, grabs some things from the closet and runs away again. Finally he jumps on stage on one leg, pulling on a pair of short ripped jeans.

GAVRILA: it Seems… Looks like luck has another ACE up its sleeve for me after all.

Scratching his head, pacing the room. His face is troubled.

Suddenly he leaps onto the bed and lies down, crossing his legs busily.

GAVRILA: here is and wife says… she said I wasn't happy… Well… she expressed it a little differently. Oaf!

Is that the same thing? In other words simply, say same. Sometimes the truth is stupid is still called. But it's loving. You know, some girls like to call their lover a fool. She made a fool of me, though… well, just to be a fool.... like not called. And fool the often. Well, consider it the same. Stupid sometimes. I think it means something so masculine. I don't remember exactly. In General, she often called me such some terms that I do not know. (Smiles sweetly) But I always understood what she wanted to say, always appreciated it. She loved me so much, so much… (He clasps his hands to his chest in awe)

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