Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
His new bride said (его новая невеста сказала), "No, that's fine with me (нет, это мне подходит: «это хорошо со мной»). Just understand (только пойми = запомни) that there'll be sex here (здесь будет секс) at seven o'clock every night (в семь часов каждый вечер)– whether you're here or not (будешь ты здесь или нет)."
Typical Mexican macho man married typical good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night — whether you're here or not."
Don't you give me a hard time about it!
Any comments?
No, that's fine with me.
Pretty girl (миленькая
Store manager (менеджер магазина): "Go right ahead (да, конечно, давайте: «идите прямо вперед»). It might help business (это может помочь бизнесу)."
Pretty girl: "May I try on that two-piece suit in the window?"
Store manager: "Go right ahead. It might help business."
May I try on that suit?
Go right ahead.
It might help business.
This old gal («старушка»: gal — девчонка) was trying on (примеряла; to try — пробовать; стараться) one of those blouses with a plunging neckline (одну из тех блузок, /что/ с глубоким вырезом; to plunge — нырять) and after looking herself over in the mirror (после того, как оглядела себя в зеркале), asked a saleslady (спросила продавщицу) if she thought it was too low-cut (не думает ли она, что вырез слишком глубок: «что это слишком глубоко вырезано» /to think-thought-thought/).
"Do you have hair on your chest? (у вас есть волосы на груди)" the saleslady asked.
"No!" she squealed (взвизгнула).
"Well then (ну, тогда)," the saleslady said, "it's too low-cut (он слишком глубок)."
This old gal was trying on one of those blouses with a plunging neckline and after looking herself over in the mirror, asked a saleslady if she thought it was too low-cut.
"Do you have hair on your chest?" the saleslady asked.
"No!" she squealed.
"Well then," the saleslady said, "it's too low-cut."
It's too low-cut.
A man accompanied a friend home for dinner one evening (человек сопровождал друга домой на ужин однажды вечером) and noticed (заметил) that as soon as they entered the door (что, как только они вошли в дверь), his friend kissed his wife (поцеловал свою жену) and told her how pretty she looked (и сказал ей, как чудно она выглядит /to tell-told-told/). After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food (он похвалил жену за еду) and kissed her again (снова).
"Do you always do that? (ты всегда так делаешь)" asked the visitor (спросил гость) when they were alone (когда они были одни).
"You bet I do (конечно, да; to bet — держать пари; биться
The visitor was greatly impressed (сильно впечатлен) and decided (решил) to use the same procedure with his own wife (использовать то же действие с его собственной женой; procedure — образ действия; процедура /напр. парламентская/ [pr'si:d]). That night (в тот вечер) he swept her into his arms (он сгреб ее в объятия: «в руки» /to sweep-swept-swept — мести/) when he got home (когда он пришел домой /to get-got-got — получать; прибыть, добраться/) and kissed her warmly (нежно; warm — теплый). "Sweetheart (милая: sweet — сладкий + heart — сердце)," he said, "you look wonderful tonight (ты выглядишь чудесно сегодня /вечером/), and I'm a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife (я счастлив, имея такую прелестную жену)."
His wife looked at him in amazement (с удивлением), then burst into tears (затем залилась слезами /to burst-burst-burst — лопнуть; разразиться/).
"For Pete's sake (ради /святого/ Петра)," exclaimed (воскликнул) the astonished (изумленный) man, "what's the matter? (в чем дело, что случилось)"
"What a day this has been! (что за день это был)" his wife answered. "First Johnny (сначала Джонни) sprained his ankle (растянул лодыжку), then the washing machine (затем стиральная машина) broke down (сломалась /to break-broke-broken/) and flooded the basement (затопила подвал; basement — фундамент, цоколь; подвал), and now you come home drunk! (а теперь /и/ ты /еще/ приходишь домой пьяный)"
A man accompanied a friend home for dinner one evening and noticed that as soon as they entered the door, his friend kissed his wife and told her how pretty she looked. After dinner, he complimented his wife on the food and kissed her again.
"Do you always do that?" asked the visitor when they were alone.
"You bet I do," answered the man. "It helps keep our marriage a happy one."
The visitor was greatly impressed and decided to use the same procedure with his own wife. That night he swept her into his arms when he got home and kissed her warmly. "Sweetheart," he said, "you look wonderful tonight, and I'm a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife."
His wife looked at him in amazement, then burst into tears.
"For Pete's sake," exclaimed the astonished man, "what's the matter?"
"What a day this has been!" his wife answered. "First Johnny sprained his ankle, then the washing machine broke down and flooded the basement, and now you come home drunk!"
You bet!
It helps keep our marriage a happy one.
Sweetheart, you look wonderful tonight!
For Pete’s sake (for God’s; Heaven’s)!
What a day this has been!
Two ministers were discussing the lack of morals in the modern world (два священника обсуждали недостаток морали в современном мире).
"I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married (я не спал со своей женой до того, как мы поженились)," said one clergyman self-righteously (сказал один священник самодовольно: «с чувством собственной правоты»). "Did you? (а вы)"
"I don't know (я не знаю)," said the other. "What was her maiden name? (какая была ее девичья фамилия)"