Crystal Garden
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Alex had a big, beautiful house just a few blocks from my parents’, but our house was nothing compared to his. The doors were wide open when I arrived, and I heard the music and laughter. At first, nobody noticed as I walked in and hesitated in the doorway. But soon all eyes were on me. Some people were surprised, some absolutely indifferent, and some even looked at me with sympathy. Sunny’s death was a shock for everyone, though not as great as it was for me. Two girls ran up to me and began offering me beer and vodka cocktails.
I don’t remember what I chose, but I was drunk pretty quickly. I sat slumped in a chair and stared blankly at the girls dancing in front of me. In one hand I held a cigarette, and in the other a glass of something alcoholic. I felt weird. My head was spinning. I inhaled, and the room disappeared in the fog. Suddenly I found myself on the steps of a ruined gothic church. Big snowflakes were falling from the night sky. My lonely footprints were lost somewhere in dark thicket of old trees.
“Walter”, someone whispered in my ear. I turned around, but saw no-one. “Walte-er”. The vision became fuzzy, and I was back in the room. A smiling girl was sitting on my lap.
“Hey, where were you?” She asked. I looked at her and said nothing. She reminded me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland when he disappeared and only his smile was left. That’s all I saw now, a smile but no girl.
“Welcome back to the real world,” she said as she tapped me on the cheeks.
But I would argue that the vision of the gothic church was much more real.
The next time I came around, I was in the midst of a Latino dance with another girl. Everybody crowded around us applauding. Enthusiastic cheers and whistles rang from all sides. It looked like I was taking the lead, even though I had no idea how to Latino dance. It was actually quite funny.
But then I saw Anna. She was standing at the other end of the room and was looking right at me. Her face reflected a mixture of astonishment, bewilderment and resentment. Our eyes met, then she turned and left the room. I stopped right in the middle of the next step and ran after her, trying to keep my balance.
I have never been as drunk as I was that night. I went out into the street. The smell of blooming chestnut trees hit me. I looked around and saw her. Anna was walking away, wrapped in a jumper, as if she was cold. I went after her, but my legs wouldn’t obey my brain, and I kept bumping into lamp posts and trees which seemed to come from nowhere. But I didn’t care, as the girl of my dreams was just a few steps away.
“Who do we have here?” I caught up with her and tried to put my arm around her waist.
Anna removed my arm, so I lost my balance and fell. She sighed and helped me up. “Yes, that’s what I am, a pig,” I said, trying to walk by her side. “I guess I had too much tonight. Why don’t you talk to me?”
There was no answer, so I went on.
“Look! The whole world is having fun today!”
And the world really was having fun. Moths were swarming in the lantern light, like the little elves that Sunny and I searched for as children. Stars danced in the sky to the sound of chirping crickets. Staring at the stars, I stumbled and almost fell again, but managed to grab hold of a lamp post. While I was embracing the post, I began to sing a children’s song. I would definitely have danced if I wasn’t so unsteady. Anna stopped and looked at me wearily.
“Come on,” she said as she took me by the hand.
Oh, it was the happiest moment of my life. We walked hand in hand, like a couple of sweethearts. Well, at least that’s how it seemed to me, even if it was a different experience for Anna. She said nothing, but I think she was smiling. I didn’t notice how we got to my house, but turned out she knew where I lived.
“It’s the first time I’ve walked a guy home.” Annie smiled at me and tried to free her hand, but I didn’t let go. “I have to go” she said gently but firmly.
“I don’t want you to go”, I whispered and leaned over to kiss her, but she turned away, and my lips barely touched her cheek. Her skin was as soft as peach and smelled like chocolate orange. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment.
She gently pulled away from me and said, “Goodnight, Walter.” I nodded. She turned and slowly walked away. I wish I hadn’t let her go, so she could have stayed with me forever. But I just watched her until she was completely out of sight.
8
The next morning, I felt terrible. And not only physically. I was tormented by my hangover and the vague sense of shame over how I behaved the night before. I was particularly distressed by the fact that most of the night had vanished from my memory. But I remembered Anna very well, and that wonderful romantic moment between us did not seem so romantic anymore. I reproached myself all day, and by the evening I came to the only decision that felt right under the circumstances. I would run! The devil had possessed me and was making me do it. I put some essential items in my backpack, then I took the money from my piggy bank. For almost two years, Sunny and I had been saving for motorbikes. We didn’t manage to save that much, but it was enough to keep me going for a couple of weeks at least.
Once my parents were sound asleep, I left the house. I didn’t have a particular plan. I just walked to the station and jumped into the first train to Munich. There weren’t many people onboard, but I didn’t sit down. I remained at the exit doors for almost three hours, leaning against the window and looking into the darkness. My heart was joyful and anxious at the same time. Adventures! I was ready for them and couldn’t wait for them to begin.
By dawn, I was in Munich. I walked out of the main station, and was immediately met by a city of glass and metal. It had been raining overnight, and the streets were fresh. Raindrops glistened on the windows in the rays of the rising sun. The streets were quiet, almost deserted. Only the roar of the garbage truck echoed from the walls. I was standing and looking around, gradually figuring out what to do next. I decided to surrender to fate and go wherever it took me. I was going to see the country and maybe even beyond to Europe. I planned to stay in different cities, large and small. I was going to find a place that filled my heart and soul, and I would stay there. I’d find a job and start a new life as an adult.
I hitch-hiked my way along. I walked for dozens of miles, slept in train stations and ate at roadside diners. I was stopped by police a couple of times, but I managed to convince them that I was going to Nuremberg or Dresden to my beloved grandmother. Once, I almost ran into a gang of skinheads. I ran away very fast.
At the end of my fifth day of travelling, I was somewhere between Austria, Germany and the Czech Republic. Hooray to the united Europe! I was walking along a country road that ran through vineyards. The sun was setting, and I was thinking of a shelter for the night. When I noticed a building on a hill in the distance. It was small, one story, and painted burgundy. I walked closer and saw there was a man in the yard. He stood with his back to me, cutting his roses.