День, когда рухнул мир
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At night when everything had quietened down, I went up to my father.
„Father, I will not go to Ayaguz.“
„Do you want to go to Auapa in Semipalatinsk?“ my father asked me.
„No, I’ll go with my grandfather,“ I forced out of myself.
With a strange expression on his face, my father silently looked at me.
„I want to be with my grandfather,“ I repeated.
My father shifted his confused gaze to my mother and I understood that it was easier for him to organize the whole district than to deal with me.
„The Evacuation Organizing Committee will remain behind in the village. There are seven of us and we will stay here… You’ll have to go with the little ones to Ayaguz.“ He fell silent and nodded in my direction. „And what are we going to do with him?“
„If you want him to be expos to radiation, send him with his grandfather,“ mother angrily replied.
„I won’t be exposed to radiation, why should I be?“ I objected.
„Don’t repeat words you don’t understand,“ mother said in a tired voice and muttered, „The bomb won’t ask your permission.“ And then added very quietly, „Ruin has befallen us…“
Father, pretending not to have heard her last words, stared at me intently and said, „Alright. You’ll go with grandfather and grandmother. They need help anyway and you already are an adult dzhigit.“
„Hurray!“ I shouted. „Hurray!“
Mother mournfully rocked her head from side to side.
„We have been told that it is not dangerous,“ father added.
The villagers loaded up at dawn and hastily bid their farewells. Once again there was that terrifying sound of confusion and commotion – the weeping of women, of children, the roar of vehicles, the bleeting of sheep and the barking of soldiers’ commands.
My grandfather and I also set off. Behind the village gathered other old men and women, who were going to the mountains with the animals.
I saw that apart from me, there were no children. Just then I noticed the little girl Kenje sitting on the bullock cart together with her grandmother. I was overjoyed. She smiled at me and I waved back.
„When we went to war, there was no such feeling of terror,“ noted one of the old men.
„That was war, and this is the end of the world.“
„Then it means that young stranger was right? The one the police took away? And the leaflets he read out to us spoke the truth?“
That young man, dirty, ragged and thin, told us such terrifying stories that we, the village boys, shook in terror. He maintained that the end of the world was nigh, after which would come the day of the Last Judgement when each person would answer for their sins. Then he handed out the leaflets where (I remember to this day) in bold letter’s it stated:
„THE END OF THE WORLD. 17th AUGUST, 1953. 12 MINS PAST 6. EVERYTHING WILL BEGIN IN KAZAKHSTAN.“
And so it appeared that, indeed, the end of the world was due as the tramp had predicted. What becomes of the human soul after death? It was as if an electric current had run through me from top to toe – I so wanted to live. I, a seven-year-old boy, contemplated death for the first time, something which had never occupied any place in my consciousness; for the first time I felt the approach of Death, the Grim Reaper… In a day or two my soul would be before the Judge of all men… The black cloud of death hung over me, over everyone and everything around us.
The loading up was delayed The lieutenant-colonel was becoming annoyed. Mother was kissing father and saying something very quickly. And then we set off. The cars to the unknown city of Ayaguz and to Semipalatinsk, the old men and women to Genghiztau.
I held the reins of the bullock cart. Death had not gone away with those to Ayaguz and Semipalatinsk – it was waiting for us in the depths of the Genghiztau. I was afraid, but I so wanted to be a golden eagle – so that I could boldly look straight into my grand-father-the-lion’s eyes! So that my mother, brother and little sister would be proud of me! And Kenje too.
Our bullock cart was in the lead. When I glanced around I saw a file of wagons and the old men driving the herd. Suddenly a car stopped next to our cart and my father and the lieutenant-colonel stepped out.
„The sodiers will choose a place to stop-over for you,“ said the lieutenant-colonel.
„What?! Are you saying they know the hills better than we do?“ said grandfather angrily.
„Well, they know“ best…» said the lieutenant-colonel, obviously displeased with grandfather’s words.
«Yes, of course, you’re clever and we’re stupid. You’re the ones sending us to the death and yet you know best,» said grandfather, spitting.
Grandmother gently touched his shoulder.
«Have you gone completely mad in your old age?» she said in an angry whisper.
«Be quiet, woman!» said grandfather by now totally incensed. «This is our homeland. So let them say what they intend to do with it!»
He was a hot-tempered man but just. At the end of the twenties, when Genghiztau was being strangled by famine, he left for – the town. But even there things weren’t easy – only he and one of his children, my father, survived.
The fellow-villagers surrounded us. Now, when I look back after all these years, I think grandfather somehow instinctively sensed what really threatened the lives of these simple people. How else can I explain his outburst – he was an intelligent, calm person, who certainly understood that his words would not change anything. Absolutely nothing. They eyed each other – the tall, stately lieutenant-colonel and the stooped, yet still powerful, gnarled old man, whose strong hand firmly gripped his whip.