«Тобиас Ужасный» и другие рассказы
Шрифт:
"Gentlemen," he says, "I am licked. I cannot eat another mouthful. You must admit I put up a game battle, but," he says, "it is useless for me to go on against this lady who is asking for more pie before she even starts on what is before her. I am almost dying as it is, and I do not wish to destroy myself in a hopeless effort. Gentlemen," he says, "she is not human."
Well, of course this amounts to throwing in the old napkin and Nicely–Nicely stands up on his chair, and says:
"Three cheers for Miss Violette Shumberger!"
Then Nicely–Nicely gives the first cheer in person, but the effort overtaxes his strength, and he falls off the chair in a faint just as Joel Duffle collapses under the table, and the doctors at the Clinic Hospital are greatly baffled to receive, from the same address at the same time, one patient who is suffering from undernourishment, and another patient who is unconscious from overeating.
Well, in the meantime, after the excitement subsides, and wagers are settled, we take Miss Violette Shumberger to the main floor in Mindy's for a midnight snack, and when she speaks of her wonderful triumph, she is disposed to give much credit to Nicely–Nicely Jones.
"You see," Violette says, "what I really whisper to him is that I am a goner. I whisper to him that I cannot possibly take one bite of the pie if my life depends on it.
"I fear," she says, "that Nicely–Nicely will be greatly disappointed in my showing, but I have a confession to make to him when he gets out of the hospital. I forget about the contest," Violette says, "and eat my regular dinner of pig's knuckles and sauerkraut an hour before the contest starts and," she says, "I have no doubt this tends to affect my form somewhat. So," she says, "I owe everything to Nicely–Nicely's quick thinking."
It is several weeks after the great eating contest that I run into Miss Hilda Slocum on Broadway and it seems to me that she looks much better nourished than the last time I see her, and when I mention this she says:
"Yes," she says, "I stopped dieting. I learn my lesson," she says. "I learn that male characters do not appreciate anybody who tries to ward off surplus tissue. What male characters wish is substance. Why," she says, "only a week ago my editor, Mr. McBurgle, tells me he will love to take me dancing if only I get something on me for him to take hold of. I am very fond of dancing," she says.
"But," I say, "what of Nicely–Nicely Jones? I do not see him around lately."
"Why," Miss Hilda Slocum says, "do you not hear what this cad does? Why, as soon as he is strong enough to leave the hospital, he elopes with my dearest friend, Miss Violette Shumberger, leaving me a note saying something about two souls with but a single thought. They are down in Florida running a barbecue stand."
"Miss Slocum," I say, "can I interest you in a portion of Mindy's chicken fricassee?"
"With dumplings?" Miss Hilda Slocum says. "Yes," she says, "Of course you can. And afterwards I have a dancing date with Mr. McBurgle. I am crazy about dancing," she says.
СЛОВАРИК
contractor подрядчик
aleing himself up здесь
beezer здесь нос
boff здесь удар
outeat переесть (съесть больше, чем оппонент)
one and all все
request him to let them miss him здесь попросить его исчезнуть
greatest eater alive самый сильный едок из ныне живущих
wager ставка (у букмекеров)
taps out здесь потратил всю наличность
forfeit здесь безвозвратный залог в случае нарушения условий
bet ставка, делать ставку
sporting instincts здесь спортивный азарт
he may give the elephant a photo finish здесь возможно, победителя пришлось бы определять с помощью фотофиниша
belongs up there as a contender здесь находится на очень высоком уровне среди претендентов на победу
meet = meeting
blats здесь слухи, разговоры
a 6 to 5 favorite over здесь соотношение ставок у букмекеров 6 к 5 в пользу
course блюдо (не посуда, а еда)
term условие (договора)
toss a coin бросить монету (в качестве жребия)
gallon галлон (мера жидкости примерно 3,8 л)
clam здесь моллюск
pound фунт (мера веса примерно 4,5 кг)
ears of corn on the cob здесь варёная кукуруза в початках
loose chewings здесь мелкие кусочки/крошки пищи, которая падает во время еды
in case of a tie в случае ничьей
to eat it off immediately on ham and eggs здесь решить спор немедленно поеданием яичницы с ветчиной
ounce унция (мера веса примерно в 30 граммов)
rooting здесь поддержка, подсказка
outs with his watch здесь доставать часы