Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
"I've lost my dad! (я потерял моего папу)"
The policeman said, "What's he like? (игра слов: to be like smb or smth — быть как, быть похожим на кого-то (что-то) и to like smb or smth — любить)"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women! (пиво и женщин)"
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said,
"I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
What's he like?
A Trooper (конный
"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road? (мэм, есть ли причина, по которой вы петляете, едете зигзагами всю дорогу; to weave — ткать, плести)"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! (о, офицер, слава Богу, вы здесь) I almost had an accident! (я почти попала в аварию) I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me (я посмотрела, и там было дерево, прямо напротив меня). I swerved to the left (я свернула налево) and there was another tree in front of me (и там было другое дерево напротив меня). I swerved to the right (направо) and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window (посмотрев через боковое окно) to the rear view mirror (в зеркало заднего вида), the officer replied, "Ma'am… that's your air freshener (мэм, это ваш освежитель воздуха)."
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am… that's your air freshener."
Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident!
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers (сидя на обочине автострады, поджидая водителей, превышающих скорость /чтобы их ловить/), a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH (полицейский офицер штата видит машину еле-еле двигающуюся со скоростью 22 мили в час; to putter — двигаться медленно, вяло; возиться).
He thinks to himself (он думает /про себя/), "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! (этот водитель так же опасен, как и тот, что едет слишком быстро; speed — скорость)" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over (и он включает лампочки и останавливает водителя).
Approaching the car (приблизившись
The driver, obviously confused (явно смешавшись; obvious — очевидный), says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! (я не понимаю, я ехала точно согласно лимиту скорости) What seems to be the problem? (что представляется проблемой = в чем, собственно, дело)"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding (вы не гнали, не превысили скорости), but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers (но вы должны знать, что вождение медленнее лимита скорости может тоже представлять опасность для других водителей)."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour! (нет, сэр, я ехала точно по лимиту скорости, 22 мили в час)" the old woman says a bit proudly (с некоторой гордостью: «немножко гордо»).
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle (пытаясь сдержать смешок), explains to her (объясняет ей) that "22" was the route number (что "22" — это номер дороги), not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed (несколько растерянная, смущенная), the woman grinned (усмехнулась) and thanked (и поблагодарила) the officer for pointing out her error (за указание на ее ошибку).
"But before I let you go (но перед тем, как я вас отпущу), Ma'am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? (я должен спросить, все ли в этой машине нормально себя чувствуют) These women (эти женщины) seem awfully shaken (кажутся крайне потрясенными) and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time (и они не издали ни звука за все это время; to mutter — бормотать; peep — писк)," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer (о, они будут в порядке через минуту, офицер). We just got off Route 142 (мы только что выехали с шоссе 142)."
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"