Everything Has Its Time
Шрифт:
«What do you mean?» Erin was nonplussed.
«Was there anyone with a similar illness in your family? Amongst your very close relatives, members of your immediate family maybe? Is there anything you’d like to tell me about that?»
«No, there weren’t,» said Erin firmly.
«Are you sure?» the doctor narrowed her eyes, and it struck Erin how masculine she now looked.
«Yes, of course.»
«Strange…» the doctor remarked doubtfully. Clearly the conviction with which Erin had refuted her authoritative opinion had made her less certain. «Very well, if you don’t want to talk any further, then I’ll leave you. I have other patients… Goodbye!» she frowned one final time and then got up, marching out of the room along the large, yellow corridor with quick yet heavy steps.
Erin did not have to wait for long. Rachel appeared at the end of the corridor, moving slowly in her direction. Her frightened red eyes darted from side to side from under dishevelled black hair, as if searching for something. She was wearing a knitted jacket with a small collar with edging. She was also wearing trousers, and her hands were in her pockets.
«You’re right on time,» she said coldly, coming up to Erin.
«Rachel! Sis! Give me a hug!» Erin held out her arms for a hug. But Rachel recoiled, saying spiritlessly,
«What do you mean? I don’t understand…»
«Must you arrive bang on time?» she repeated her question in a demanding and meticulous tone.
«Punctuality shows respect to the person waiting for you.»
«You’re nothing but a killjoy, always on about your sense of duty. And who said I was waiting for you?» her initial coldness was replaced by a chilliness.
«Sorry, Rachel. Were you busy?» asked Erin apologetically.
«Busy? Hmm, sounds interesting… was I busy?» she asked again mockingly. «Don’t know. Give me a moment and I’ll ask for you…» she turned her head to the left and whispered loudly, «Hi Rachel, you busy?» this charade made Erin’s heart seize up. But then her sister turned sharply to face her again, saying, «No, the voice says she isn’t busy. As it happens, I have heaps of time. So, my dearest Erin, Daddy’s little girl, I courteously invite you into my world! Welcome, ha ha ha!» this mean-spirited jeering reverberated in Erin’s ears as a disturbing, repetitive echo.
Rachel rubbed the armchair very intensely three times with her hand, the same armchair on which Doctor Johnson had sat before, before sitting down on it. Dishevelling her black hair with even more force, she gazed at Erin with indifference.
«You’ve lost weight! Do you eat at all?» Erin asked with concern.
«That’s not my fault… that’s all them…» her hands began frantically waving along the length of her body.
«Who are «they’, Rachel? What are you talking about?»
«The tapeworms. They’re taking over my body, gnawing their way through and eating me from inside out.»
«Rachel! What are you on about? That’s all in your head.»
«You mean your big sister is lying? No, it’s not in my head. And my blood is not flowing through my veins in the right direction, it’s going in the opposite direction. Granted, that odious little doctor does not agree with me. I know her intentions…»
«What?»
«She’s a bad person, Erin. A real monster! She dreams of drilling into my brain and digging out my gyrus. But I won’t let her!»
«That’s rubbish, Rachel! She can’t do that! Please…»
«Have you brought Mum’s beads she promised me?» she suddenly asked quietly, changing the subject.
«Yes, here,» Erin reached into her bag for them.
«Beautiful!» she said, taking the amber coloured beads and studying them with interest. «Thanks! Help me put them on. Appearance comes first for a woman, right? You like them?»
«Stunning! No need to do yourself up now.»
«Really? It’s a shame you’re not a man saying that. I’d never leave you alone… Give me your little mirror, I want to admire myself.» Having studied her reflection in the impartial, oval-shaped surface of the mirror, she immediately pursed her lips, and started to get worked up:
«I don’t recognise myself anymore…»
«You’ve not changed at all. You’ve just lost weight…»
«You’re a great liar! Mastered it, have you?»
«But it’s true, Rachel!» said Erin, trying again to reassure her, but her sister remained unconvinced.
«Look at me! I see a completely different person. Are those my arms, my legs, my nose, my face, my body? Where’s my small and shapely nose gone? It’s massive now! I’m ugly now… From head to toe… Don’t you see, my bones have disappeared? Dissolved by Valium,» she raised her arms to the ceiling, and at once threw them down again. She was now becoming angry and aggressive.
«But it doesn’t matter!» she said belligerently, «I’ll get him back… no matter what…»
«Get who back, Rachel?» asked Erin calmly.
«Luke! Who else? You don’t know him?» she said surprisedly, «My man.»
«Who is he? Is he here too?»
«Yes, he’s a writer. If he gets his hands on even a single scrap of paper and a stump of pencil he’ll write anywhere, about anything… He says that, for a good novel, he really needs imagination. And he finds it in me. He says I’m his muse, and the other day, he said that I was the most beautiful… But Doctor Johnson says he says that because he’s ill, what’s it called… I think it’s „graphorrhoea.“ I heard that, a few days ago, she told him he has worms, but not like mine. A different kind. His are huge and dusty bookworms. They torment him and force him to write. But the doctor insists that his works have no cultural value. That she can cure him. To do that she is trying to cause him a writer’s block, a chronic block… But Luke told me in secret that he’ll write anyway, with his own blood, if need be, on the yellow hospital walls… But I don’t know if I should take his attraction to me seriously or not. It might all just be a joke…» her conscience was a ceaseless train of thought. «I know that Luke and Doctor Johnson make fun of how I feel, and he cheats on me with her behind my back… Jealousy is wearing me down, and I sometimes have an insatiable desire to strangle the pair of them with my bare hands, with great pleasure…» there was now no warmth in her eyes whatsoever.
«What are you on about, Rachel?» Erin interrupted her. «You’re acting like a headcase…»
«I’m living my own life. You wouldn’t understand. You think I’m stupid because I’m waiting for a shining engagement ring on my nameless finger, waiting for his kiss on my lips? You have to make the most out of life, it is so fleeting, and you have to share your body with someone! If I have one weakness, then it’s sex…»
«I don’t recognise you, Rachel! What I’m hearing, you’re going mad!»
«If there’s one thing I do not need right now, it is a high-and-mighty lecture from my younger sister… What do you know? I happen to be being tormented by hopeless love. Nothing on earth can come close to the bitterness of love rejected. But life goes on. Do you remember how to dance? The second partner changes places with the first, the third with the second… And you dance while you can, whilst you’re young! And live life to the full, whilst you can. But macho men, so untrustworthy and faithless, so depraved… I was depressed, and felt like a right moron, before I realised I had to forget about them! Put them out of my mind. Idiots! They rejected me!»
«I know, you don’t deserve that, Rachel…»
«Yes, I’m unhallowed. I prayed and confessed to all my sins in expectation of a miracle. And Jesus came to me, and he told me that I was the most faithful Christian myrrh bearer Mary Magdalene, and that I was worthy of his love. He gave me a jar of incense, and ordered me to pour myrrh over his legs and to dry it with my hair. Then he pronounced that it was for my sake that he died on the cross and resurrected, to cure me of the Seven Sins…» she nodded her head with certainty, continuing her nonsensical narrative, not letting her sister get in a single word.