Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
I'll bet you $10 he'll jump.
A circus owner (владелец цирка) walked into a bar (зашел в бар) to see (посмотреть, увидеть; здесь: и увидел) everyone crowded about a table (все столпились около стола) watching a little show (наблюдая маленькое шоу). On the table (на столе) was an upside down pot (был перевернутый горшок) and a duck tap dancing on it (утка,
Three days later (три дня спустя) the circus owner runs back (прибегает назад) to the bar in anger (в гневе), "Your duck is a ripoff! (совершенно негодная: «бросовая вещь»; to rip — разрезать, отрывать; to rip off — сдирать) I put (я поставил /to put-put-put — класть, ставить/) him on the pot before a whole audience (перед всей публикой; audience [':djns]), and he didn't dance a single step! (совсем не танцевала; не сделала ни единого шага)"
"So? (так, здесь: да?)" asked (спросил) the duck’s former (прежний) owner, "did you remember (вы не забыли; to remember — помнить) to light the candle under the pot? (зажечь свечу под горшком)"
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the duck’s former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
It is a ripoff!
A man went into a bar in a high rise (человек вошел в бар в приподнятом настроении). He saw another man take a pill (он видел, как другой принимает таблетку), take a drink (запивает), walk to the window (подходит к окну) and jump out (выпрыгивает). He flew around (покружил: «полетал вокруг» /to fly-flew-flown/) for a minute (с минуту) and zipped (молнией влетел: to zip — застегивать на молнию; промелькнуть) back into the bar.
As the amazed (пораженный) newcomer (вновь прибывший) watched (смотрел, наблюдал), the man repeated this (повторил это) twice more (еще дважды). Finally (в конце концов) the man asked (человек спросил) if he could have a pill (можно ли ему съесть пилюлю = таблетку). The flier (летун) said it was his last one (сказал, что у него есть, осталась одна последняя).
The man offered (предложил) five hundred dollars (500 долларов) to no avail (безрезультатно), so he made a final offer (он сделал последнее предложение) of a thousand dollars (1000 долларов). The man said that it was all he had on him (это все, что у него есть: «имеет при себе»).
The flier reluctantly gave in (неохотно уступил; to give in — уступать; сдаваться), took the cash (взял деньги), surrendered (уступил) the pill, and turned back to the bar (вернулся к барной стойке). The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death (только чтобы разбиться насмерть). The bartender walked over (приблизился) to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass (вытирая стакан), said, "You sure are mean (ты точно противный, злой = какой же ты противный) when you're drunk (когда ты пьян), Superman (Супермен)."
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."
It is all I have on me.
You sure are mean when you're drunk!
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar (моряк встречает пирата в баре), and talk turns (и разговор заходит; to turn — свернуть, повернуть/ся/) to their adventures on the sea (об их приключениях в море). The seaman notes (замечает) that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch (что у пирата деревянная нога; peg — колышек; протез руки; «крюк»; и повязка на глазу).
The seaman asks (спрашивает), "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg? (и как же ты заработал деревянную ногу: «как ты кончил с деревянной ногой»)"
The pirate replies (отвечает), "We were in a storm at sea (мы были в море во время шторма), and I was swept (меня смыло /to sweep-swept-swept — сносить, смывать (волной)/) overboard (за борт) into a school (косяк, стая) of sharks (акул). Just as my men were pulling me out (пока мои ребята меня вытаскивали), a shark bit my leg off (откусила мою ногу /to bite-bit-bitten — кусать/; to bite off — откусить)."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook? (а что случилось с рукой; дословно: а что о твоем протезе)"
"Well (ну)," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship (мы брали на абордаж вражеский корабль) and were battling the other sailors with swords (и сражались с теми моряками на саблях; sword — меч, шпага, сабля). One of (один из) the enemies cut my hand off (отрезал мою руку /to cut-cut-cut — резать/; to cut off — отрезать)."