My city: the tragedy of one family
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But however, I will continue. Vika told me this story because it about it was asked by Alice. It from where knew that I want from life, and it gave me that I wanted.
– What is it?
– Beauty, – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna answered. – It gave me beauty. Now I will never grow old, in the general understanding of this word. – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna lit and, having released a stream of dense smoke, continued. – I, of course, will grow old, but also in hundred years I will look much much younger.
I was surprised. Her words threw me into confusion. How it is possible that the person did not grow old? Same not the fantastic movie and not the novel by Oscar Wilde "The Picture of Dorian Gray" where not the person, and his portrait grew old. Though? You never can tell? As I understood, this jewelry can give much and nothing. Everything depends on desire and ambitions of that person who owns this jewelry. But whether Vika owns them? I asked it this question and received the following answer.
– As to me it was told, ornament choose to themselves those people who really want to receive something from life. They give us that we wish, and punish us if we wish more and more. Everything cannot be received. – Nina made the next inhaling and, having exhaled a smoke stream from the sexual lips, continued. – Who does not understand it, that will not be able long to store this jewelry. They choose the owner and remain with him to his death.
– And later?
– Look for another. More ambitious, than previous.
– you consider yourself ambitious?
– Is not present.
– Then whom you consider yourself?
Nina finished smoking a cigarette.
– We consider ourselves by those who we are is, – she told, – and a grief to those people who consider themselves by those whom actually are not. They take this jewelry and wish what cannot be executed. Their ambitions are not boundless, their desires are not executable. Then this jewelry just kills us. So we consider, but actually we are killed by our ambitions, our desires.
I listened to it and understood, as she wished something that could not be executed. She was always my mother, though not native. The mother left me to the mercy of fate and never remembered me. Ekaterina Dmitriyevna grew up me and educated. She is my real mother, it - and other parents it is not necessary to me. Yes they are also absent. They refused me. I am not necessary to them. That says it all.
With bated breath, I asked it.
– What you made, the mammy? What wished? Speak! Are not silent!
That heaved a deep sigh. She did not know that to answer me. It seemed that the answer was on her lips, just about will escape outside and will answer the question raised by me. But it did not occur. It seemed that Nina cannot just answer this question. Her lips want to tell something, and the reason orders it to be silent. Hard situation, isn't that so?
– What you are silent? Not to a muchta me! Tell? What did you wish?
Ekaterina Dmitriyevna heaved a deep sigh. She could not answer the question raised by me, but also she had too no right to be silent.
– I am sick, – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna admitted at last. – Doctors diagnosed for me the beginning of tuberculosis. I as you know, like to smoke. I smoked the first cigarette at school, somewhere in a class the seventh. Since then could not throw. – She made a long pause and, having pulled out one cigarette from a pack, told: – Unfortunately, health cannot be bought, even for desire. – She lit again. – You know, – she told, – I then deceived you. – Then she told: – I did all that I did for you for the sake of you.
I clung to her breast and said in low tones.
– I know.
Ekaterina Dmitriyevna smiled. She knew that her daughter knows about it. It is its blood and flesh. And who did not understand that someone cares for someone, gives himself without the rest.
Emma continued.
– I always knew about it. You always cared for me.
Ekaterina Dmitriyevna embraced the daughter and began to cry bitter tears. She cried because knew that she at her remained to time a little. She died and could do nothing with it. Even jewelry would not save it from long smoking which gave the print. Ekaterina Dmitriyevna's lungs were all in the centers, tuberculosis developed. Everything, end. To die soon.
Death, resettlement of soul or withdrawal to the best world? There, where there is nothing, except rest and silence. Who knows where Nina after death will go? I hoped that it will get to the best world, than this where it stays now.
Then Ekaterina Dmitriyevna told:
– you remember the grandmother?
– Of course I remember.
– We did not communicate with it long ago. She lately did not want to see anybody. She became a hermit lately. For all these years I did not hear about it, anything.
– I lately did not communicate with it, – I told. – I did not know that she died. – She made a pause. – I condole.
– Thanks, – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna told, and then continued: – She died, having left to you and to me are only long. But your grandfather, – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna continued, - he left you a huge fortune.
I did not understand what my mother spoke about? About what state? We were poor, and knew all this.
– you are surprised? – Ekaterina Dmitriyevna continued. – I understand, and I was surprised, having learned it! – she made the next inhaling. – Your grandma was really poor, – she told. – At it behind soul was not a stiver.