Самые лучшие английские анекдоты / The Best English Jokes
Шрифт:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’” The teacher paused, then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said, “I know, he said: Wow! A talking pig!”
One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard how his son was praying, “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. [76] Ta ta, Grandpa. [77] ” The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. [78] The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit afraid. The next night, he heard his son was praying again, “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.” The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. The next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And the boy started to pray, “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.” Now the father was very afraid. He stayed up [79] all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure [80] his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here! You can help us! Our milkman was dead on our porch this morning!”
76
Grandma = Grandmother
77
Grandpa = Grandfather
78
a heart attack –
79
stayed up – не ложился спать, бодрствовал
80
to make sure – чтобы убедитьcя
Patient (to the doctor): Will it hurt, [81] doctor? Doctor: Only when you get my bill, sir.
The psychology instructor finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. [82] She was speaking about maniac depression, [83] so she asked, “How will you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, [84] who screams at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair and weeps the next?” A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A coach?”
81
will it hurt? –
82
oral test – устный экзамен
83
maniac depression – маниакальная депрессия
84
back and forth – туда-сюда
Three blondes finished a jigsaw-puzzle [85] so they decide to celebrate it. They are walking into a bar and chanting, “61 days! 61 days!” The bartender gets curious and walks over to them [86] and asks, “Why are you chanting 61 days?” One of the three answers, “Because the box said 3–6-years!”
– Why do gorillas have big noses?
– Because they have big fingers.
85
jigsaw-puzzle – пазл
86
walks over to them – подходит к ним
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.
“This is a talking dog, [87] ” he said. “And you can have him for five pounds.”
The neighbour said, “You’re kidding! Talking dogs don’t exit!”
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes.
87
a talking dog – говорящая собака
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.